I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
