onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
