Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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