She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
