do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
