Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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