please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
