Sponge bath it is.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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