I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
