she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
