she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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