Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
