scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
