I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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