What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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