i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
