You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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