what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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