I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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