the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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