The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
