Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
