I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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