Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
