It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
