i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
