hell yes lets make some ravioli
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
