Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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