whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
