every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
