I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
