i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize