no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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