i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
