My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
