I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
