some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
