Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The feeling are messing with the penis
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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