happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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