He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
