I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
