It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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