the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
