i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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