My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
