I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
