this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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