i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
