He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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