im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
