yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize