Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
