I cannot find my penis.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
