do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
