oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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