At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
