no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I take back everything I said about communal showers
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
