omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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