Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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