I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
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If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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