you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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