my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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