you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
