Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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