i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
