Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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