I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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