hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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