This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
