She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
