I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh god it's open bar.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
