youre lurking in front of me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
