oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
