I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
