she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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