can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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