Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
