I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Screwed.edu
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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