his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
