ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
