I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
