I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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