If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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