I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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